


confronting eyes

by crytalstellar



Series: selective vision [3]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love, one sided Saeran x MC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crytalstellar/pseuds/crytalstellar
Summary: accidents happen. but this wasn't an accident. it was a mistake. a very, very painful mistake.





	confronting eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i feel like it's been forever since i posted something! 
> 
> the truth about this fic is, i'd finished the majority of it nearly two years ago, but i didn't post it because i thought it was... well. you'll see. but i stumbled on it today and decided to post it. 
> 
> i hope you all enjoy!

Accidents happen.

It’s a popular thing to say when things don’t go quite right. Apologies are exchanged, then the involved parties go on with their lives, the accident long forgotten.

At least, that’s the way it’ll usually go.

Sometimes more serious accidents happen making them harder to forget, harder to apologize for.

Saeran never meant for it to happen. He won’t deny that he imagined how it would go, how it would feel. But those were just thoughts, fantasies that he never ever intended to make real.

But as they say, accidents happen.  

She tripped and what was he supposed to do? Let her fall to the ground without trying to help? To be honest, there had to have been a way. He could have anchored himself harder, or something. But he didn’t know he’d be caught up in her momentum and come tumbling down too. He didn’t know that when she landed she somehow would end up landing on him. Nor did he he know, or even think that when she landed that her lips would meet his. After all, doesn’t that kind of thing only happen in the movies?

The moment their lips connect is almost perfect. The feeling is everything he imagined and more. She’s so soft, so warm, that he forgets for just one moment that they aren’t his to kiss. And in that moment, he makes the mistake. If it had been a simple accidental lip lock he could have just shrugged it off as an accident, quietly engraving the memory into his mind and heart. But no, instead his arm reflexively wraps around her body tightly, pulling her closer in hopes of her responding.

And respond she does.

She yanks herself away, jumping up and breaking the kiss. The look she gives Saeran is like a slap in the face. Her confusion is tinted with disdain causing Saeran to feel like his heart is being pierced with hundreds of tiny pins. It’s clear that it was more than an accident.  _It was a mistake._

Saeran jumps to his feet, his eyes never leaving hers. He’s not sure what to do to explain himself. There’s nothing he can say to excuse himself. And it doesn’t help that she doesn’t look away either, staring him down like he’s a puzzle or a freak, he’s not sure which and he’s not sure if he wants to find out.

Finally, she opens her mouth to speak.

But Saeran doesn’t want to hear. He rushes past her toward the door. He needs to go. He needs to get out. He can’t be in this room any longer. If he leaves he can pretend this never happened.

Or so he hopes.

She calls his name as he runs through the door, but he ignores her in favor of running to his room. He’s safe there, at least that’s what he tells himself even know he knows that the thought, the memory of what just happened will just play over and over in his head and…

Another voice says his name. Another body blocks his way, standing between him and safety.

Saeyoung.

Saeran looks up at his brother. Saeyoung’s expression changes from confusion to concern. “What’s wrong?”

There’s no way Saeran could tell him. But he can’t even muster the strength to give Saeyoung his usual gruff kind of response. Especially when he hears her calling his name down the hall. Saeran makes the mistake of turning around and seeing her, following after him. He curses inwardly and shoves Saeyoung aside to run to his room. It’s bad enough that she’s following him, he doesn’t need to make it worse by having Saeyoung as an audience.

“Saeran wait!”

Saeyoung, seeing that his fiancee is trying to talk to Saeran, takes it upon himself to grab Saeran by the wrist, stopping him.

“Let me go,” Saeran hisses.

“What’s going on?” Saeyoung asks, grip firm on his wrist.

Saeran almost tells him. He bites the words back though. He doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions of telling Saeyoung that he kissed her. At least not right now. He needs to clear his head, and maybe he’ll do it when he’s calmed down. Or never. To be honest, never sounds better than later. Besides, she’ll probably tell him. Saeran knows that between the two of them secret is only a six letter word.

“Let me go…”

“Saeran…”

“I said let me go!” Saeran yells, ripping his wrist free.

“Saeran wait! Please!” she calls once more, but Saeran doesn’t dare look back again, instead running to his room. He slams the door shut and locks it, hoping neither of them follow and that when he emerges it’ll be as if that kiss never happened.

* * *

Saeran isn’t sure how many hours have passed when he hears a knocking on his door. It’s her. He can tell. Saeyoung, when he decides to knock, is loud yet melodic, but these knocks are barely audible.

He sits and waits, hoping she’ll go away.

But she keeps knocking and knocking.

And after half an hour of knocking Saeran finally gets up and strides toward the door. But he doesn’t open it. Instead he stands on his side and glares at it as if he’s glaring at her. “What?”

“Saeran?”

“What do you want?”

“Can we talk…?” she asks, voice meek.

“Why?”

“I… just… please?”

Saeran thinks for a moment. He’s not sure what in the world there is to talk about. If she has questions about the kiss, he doesn’t want to answer them, any reminders will make it even harder for him to forget, though he’s not even sure if that’s possible.

“Please open the door.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“I said no,” Saeran repeats firmly, making no efforts to hide his agitation.

“I know Saeyoung can open it if you won’t, so, please.”

Saeran flinches on hearing his brother’s name. If she brings him here to hack the lock or whatever, he’ll have to deal with them both and that’s something he’s not sure if he can handle.

“…fine,” he quickly unlocks the door and turns the handle to let her know that it’s open before he steps back.

She walks in, closing the door behind her. Before he can stop himself, Saeran asks, “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

She gives him a bright grin and nods. He just doesn’t understand how she can be so stupid and defenseless? Doesn’t remember what happened earlier? Doesn’t she know that he could have done a lot worse than that? Not that he would, but all the same, she doesn’t need to be so foolish.

He sits down on his bed, while she remains standing just in front of the door.  “So about earlier…”

“It was an accident.”

“I… know.” She hesitates, obviously unsure if she should speak her mind. “But… it made me wonder… do you… maybe…”

Saeran can see what she’s trying to infer in her eyes even though he wishes he didn’t.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She frowns, clearly not happy with Saeran’s evasive answer. “…Saeran.”

“What?”

“Do you have feelings for me?”

Saeran’s jaw almost drops and he looks away. He’d always done his best to make sure that she didn’t know. He was fairly sure that Saeyoung at least had an idea, but he never said anything. His brother, like him, probably wanted to pretend that Saeran’s feelings didn’t exist. And he was perfectly fine with that, after all, acknowledging his feelings would only bring problems that neither of them wanted to deal with… However, it seems like she has other plans.

“Please tell me.”

Saeran can’t help but stare, wide eyed and so very confused. He knew she was strange, just like his brother, just like him, but not like this. Is it some new strange kind of torture she’d devised as revenge for accidentally stealing a kiss? No… Try as he might to demonize her, Saeran can’t. Not when he knows better, not when she looks at him with those eyes of hers, clear and shining like a beacon in the night. When he speaks, his voice cracks, a weak and helpless whimper that reminds him of his younger days, “…why?”

She blinks. Once. Twice. “I think it will help.”

Help? How? Saeran doesn’t understand at all. What good will saying those damn words do him? Regardless of whether or not he says them she be belongs to Saeyoung. Nothing he could say or do will change that.

But she has a penchant for honesty. That’s part of her charm, that much Saeran can’t deny. It’s part of the reason why he’s so attracted to her, why Saeyoung is. She’s so pure and innocent and as much as Saeran loves it, he hates it too. Sometimes he wishes he could sully her, ruin her, make her as dirty as he is.

But he can’t.

“…no,” Saeran finally says. He doesn’t see the point of exposing himself like that, especially when it’s clear that she already knows. Some things are better left unsaid, right?

“Please, Saeran?” Her voice is so light and saccharine that one would think she’s begging him of a favor, not to willingly spill his guts for her to see. “Please?”

“I said no,” he says once more, his voice rising.

“Saeran….”

“What part of ‘no’ do you not get?” Saeran finally yells. Why is she so insistent? Why can’t she just turn a blind eye to his feelings? It’d be better that way, wouldn’t it? He glares viciously at her, but she stares right back at him, clearly undeterred.  

“Saeran,” she says, her voice firm. “Please.”

He averts his eyes and lets out a frustrated groan. She isn’t going to give up until she gets him to say it, is she? “I don’t get how it’ll help. It’s not like it’s going to change anything. If I tell you, it won’t change how you feel!”

She considers what he says, and for the briefest moment Saeran feels the tiniest flicker of hope before she squashes it by offering him an apologetic smile. “…you’re right. Even if you tell me, I’ll still only see you as a brother.”

Would she ever see him as anything more? The question burns on the tip of Saeran’s tongue but he doesn’t ask. The look in her eyes makes that answer painfully obvious. “…then what’s the point?

“You’ve been bottling these feelings up for a long time, haven’t you?”

Saeran doesn’t answer. He doesn’t want to think about it.

“Besides, I think admitting it will be the first step in letting go and moving on!” she adds on cheerfully.

Saeran frowns, unsure if her cheerfulness is a blessing or a curse. He knows she’s just trying to help him in her own way, but he can’t help but think that doing it like this is just plain cruel. She does have a point though. If he can’t have her, the next best thing would be to get rid of his feelings. He can hardly say he’s enjoyed playing the third wheel to them this entire time.

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth but the words don’t come out. It seems strange for it to still be so hard when Saeran knows all that’s waiting for him is the bitter sting of rejection. He doesn’t honestly believe that admitting to anything will take these feelings he has for his brother’s fiance away, but if that’s what she wants then fine. It’s the only thing he can really do for her at this point.

“I… I…love you.” Saeran uses every ounce of willpower he has to force the words out. The resulting feeling is… strange. The clenching feeling in his chest releases, as if the pressure’s been taken off. But it doesn’t make him feel better, at least not really since he knows that those words, those feelings don’t have a place to go.

She stares back at him, eyes slightly widened as if she’s surprised, by what, Saeran isn’t sure. Then she smiles. It’s not a beautiful, happy smile like the one she always gives Saeyoung. This smile is much more somber and soft. It’s the kind of smile someone gives to someone who came in second place. It’s a smile telling someone they tried their best, even though they lost in the end.

It’s a smile that tells Saeran that, no matter what, she won’t ever reciprocate his feelings.


End file.
